Cuando arrivo a... aquí

Aventuras on the streets
Llevo todo el fin de semana sin encontrarme cosas curiosas, divertidas, estúpidas... Estaba extrañado puesto que la calle está llena de estupideces.
Más adelante me di cuenta de que estaba en Asturias (¡coño, va a ser eso!) Justo al poner el pie en Santander las estupideces comenzaron a golpearme para gozo personal. Ya estaba un poco harto de no ver nada más que gente normal haciendo cosas racionales y coherentes. Quería ver nuevamente esos especímenes en el autobús, gritando frases inconexas en mitad de la calle, arrojando cualquier tipo de objeto por una ventana sin preguntarse por qué ni dónde caerá. Ver de nuevo esas expresiones cuando saludas con un "Buenas tardes" y tu interlocutor se te queda mirando como "¿Qué es lo que pretende decir? ¿Qué significan esos extraños fonemas? ¿Le contestaré con un susurro inaudible, haré algo estrafalario con actitud demente para demostrar mi desconcierto; giraré sin más la cabeza como si nada hubiese ocurrido?"
La sociedad siempre elitista de Santander ha ideado por ejemplo este útil sistema para comer helados. Parece que las ventas habían bajado mucho porque la gente se ensuciaba los guantes de seda al comerlos.
En fin... Fíjate todo lo que te llevas si te compras un helado en la estación de autobuses: Un cilindro (nada más y nada menos), una servilleta... y el helado propiamente dicho. Y yo comiendo helados toda mi puta vida sin cilindro ¿Cómo me las habré apañado?
Este kit masturbatorio camuflado en forma de helado es una idea genial, sólo espero que el cilindro esté lo suficientemente lubricado y la servilleta sea lo bastante grande. ¿El helado es de nata? Cinco minutos más tarde, esperando el autobús de línea, donde esperaba encontrarme sugerentes anuncios de lencería con los que usar mi cilindro, me encuentro un cartel de concienciación contra la violencia de género. En concreto éste (viva la cámara del móvil).
El anuncio era muy grande así que yo me quedé con lo más interesante: el "REVÉLATE". Y es que si amigos, con el auge de las cámaras digitales las tiendas de revelado están de capa caída, al igual que las heladerías convencionales.
"Mújer, hazte fotos y revélate" algo así nos quiere decir el Excmo. Ayuntamiento de Santander.
Cuando subo al autobús de línea y me relajo, pensando que los estímulos idiotizantes habían terminado (para mí salir a la calle es un stress, entre la agorafobia, la claustrofobia, la sociofobia y la idiociafobia) me fijo en el cartel luminoso del autobús y casi me tiro al suelo a retorcerme de risa (allí es normal)
Como en muchos sitios, en la parte frontal hay uno de estos carteles con puntitos de luz (si alguien sabe el nombre técnico que lo diga) con texto desplazándose anunciando la próxima parada.
El texto había cambiado ligeramente con motivo del día mundial (nuevamente) de la violencia de género. Nada más subir leí:
"25 de Noviembre NO MAS VIOLENCIA CONTRA LA PROXIMA PARADA: Correos"

En fin... ya sé que las marquesinas de espera del autobús son nuevas, pero no imaginaba que se requiriera una campaña de concienciación para que los santanderinos no las destrozasen.
Y sí, lo siento, sé que esta entrada huele a BLOG... no volverá a ocurrir. :P

Comentarios:

rucito (rucito at mac dot com) el 28/11/2005 - 12:57

El mundo está lleo de estupideces... Al texto luminoso solo le faltaba rezar: "... Pre contra tu mujer, la que quieras (siempre que no le golpées la cabeza contra la parada".
Aunque bien pensado, ¿quién será la parada esa a la que no se puede agredir?. ¿Acaso debemos pegar solo a las inteligentes?. ¿Llevan en esto ventaja las rubias?. ¿O es que hay que ir pegando a todas mientras esperas el bus, a la espera de que pase la próxima a la que le falte un hervor y cesar de descargar tu ira con ella?.
Necesito una explicación.

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 28/11/2005 - 13:16

Además está el mensaje subliminal de "correos"
Córrase en las rubias? en las paradas? en las paradas de autobuses? Estoy confuso. Voy a enviar un mail al ayuntamiento.

Azote el 29/11/2005 - 00:28

Como dominas el telemarketing.

Centenares de visitas gugelianas (recién llegadas del Guggenheim) de cántabros buscando 'autobuses santander'. Se pondrán hechos una basílica, y enfadados, pincharán todos los googleads.

¿El invento del helado come fácil es santanderino?, ¿han desplazado la Nestlé hasta el País Kántabro? Puto boicot, que está adelgazando las orcas de la abuela Tarradellas (es una puta ávara, que la vara se le rompió hace años).

Lo de revélate es por las fotos post-agresión, pre-denuncia, a lo Carmina Ordóñez (que la virgen del Rocío la tenga en su gloria).

Buenísimo lo del bus. Me lo creo :D

Es que, hace tiempo, un directivo del SMTU pensó que al año podían ahorrarse doce euros si compraban el cartel con seis caracteres menos. Se los gastó en aceitunas.

:mad:

[IMG]http://img378.imageshack.us/img378/6299/paradacorreosdestrozada.jpg[/IMG]

Neith el 29/11/2005 - 16:48

¿Esto no es un blog?
Pues yo juraría que encontré la dirección en el Superpop digital.

Azote, bonita rana amarilla (http://www.parecequeporaquíhaymásdeuntorpe.com)

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