Lol-ita
Así que escribí un email a thessoro para ver si podía escribir aquí mis cosas, contando algunos episodios de mi vida. Comenzaré presentándome.
Me llamo Olegario y tengo 47 años, vivo con mi madre en un piso pequeño y antiguo en un barrio decadente de Madrid. Mi madre tiene demencia senil y se pasa el día mirando por la ventana al edificio de enfrente, a menos de 5 metros del nuestro. Su demencia la hace confundirse entre los vecinos y su propia familia, tiene nombres imaginarios para la prostituta negra que vive en el cuarto, y los miembros de la familia obrera del quinto han pasado a ser su madre, su padre y sus hermanos, respectivamente.
De mí dicen que tengo la mirada perdida, estoy gordo y tengo cicatrices en la cara debido a una enfermedad juvenil. Justino, el párroco me dijo en su día que era debido a la "excesiva masturbación". Me tomó las manos, como si fuera a leerlas en plan vidente y dijo: "aquí está el vicio".
Trabajo de dependiente en una frutería. Ana, su dueña lesbiana es una zorra. Es la "macho" en su pareja, y más masculina que yo mismo.
Me obliga a limpiar todas las frutas que se encuentran en primera fila, para tapar las podridas de debajo. Por ello siempre llevo un trapo y mi aliento alcohólico que deja la superficie de las manzanas y peras pulidas y brillantes. Con el mismo trapo me sueno los mocos, tengo una rinitis alérgica crónica y mi nariz esta siempre roja, al igual que mis mejillas, de los whiskys a pelo que me meto.
Hoy por la tarde he ido al parque del barrio a jugar con mi sobrina, y vigilar que no se pinche con ninguna de las jeringuillas que los yonkis esconden en los columpios.
Mi hermana es ex, en general. Ex-alcohólica, ex-drogadicta, ex-esposa. Ahora ayuda a Justino en "Proyecto Hombre" y muchas tardes me quedo al cuidado de la niña. La niña apenas tiene pechos, solo dos bultos incipientes de pezones lisos que parece que van a crecer de un momento a otro. Algunas de sus amigas, más zorras y con faldas más cortas, tienen unos pezones de punta listos para ser comidos. Hoy estaban jugando con una muñeca meona. En cuanto se alejaron un poco tomé a la muñeca y la desnudé lentamente, para ver hasta qué punto el realismo era parte importante en la estrategia del vendedor.
Era un bebé, con un perfecto coñito de plástico y un agujerito, del que salía agua. A la muñeca se la cargaba por el culo, cuando se agitaba podías oir el líquido moviéndose en su interior. Fui a la fuente mas cercana y le quité el tapón del ano, ahora estaba llena de líquido la muy jodida. Al apretar su mano salía agua de la vagina artificial. Allí arrodillado, al lado de la fuente, me acerqué la muñeca a la boca y apreté la mano, gozando de una lluvia dorada con regusto a PVC. Yo, completamente erecto, acerqué la lengua para lamer las últimas gotitas de agua cuando se acercó un policia:
-¿Qué esta usted haciendo?
Me levanté de un golpe, empapado, con la muñeca desnuda en mi mano y una erección evidente en mis pantalones.
-La estaba arreglando agente -le dije -, tenía cal incrustada. El agente se relajó y me empezó a hablar de la excesiva calcificación de las aguas madrileñas, eliminando cualquier rastro de erección ni excitación en mi cuerpo.
Y es que la policía está siempre jodiendo.
Comentarios:
martxel (martxel at gmail dot com) el 2/7/2006 - 23:59
Vaya pasada de muñeca! Las barbies y kens de mis vecinas ni tenóan coño ni tenían pene. :/
swyx el 3/7/2006 - 15:30
Este nuevo escritor que participa en este blog, tiene cierto aire a Ignatius Reilly. Pero mola más xDD
thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 4/7/2006 - 00:01
Vale swyx gracias por revelar mis fuentes :PPP
nei (Nei at torera dot es) el 4/7/2006 - 14:55
Siento irrupir en medio de vuestros debaneos perniles (no literalmente)..., pero esa comparación con La Conjura, ma matao.
Es que la imagen del personaje así tan ¿castellanizado? que me ha venido a la mente, se parece más a un tipo con peluquín que ví en la tele una vez, cantando y bailando de forma ridícula con unos pañuelos en las manos ...
nei el 4/7/2006 - 15:05
V, es con V ¬¬
thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 5/7/2006 - 04:23
vale vale, ya se que no llego al nivel, pero... tiempo al tiempo. xDDD
nei el 5/7/2006 - 16:06
No era por minimizar el mérito, es que La Conjura es mucha Conjura.
Y no dudo que llegarás.
Eso sí, procura no hacer lo mismo que el amigo porque no se lo publicaban.
Aunque si finalmente, esa es tu decisión, al menos testa los derechos de autor póstumos a favor de tus palur... digo, comentaristas del top 5 :p
Siempre me ha escalofriado el final del autor y los motivos.
Y eso me ha recordado ... la de obras maestras que deben dormir olvidadas en cajones y HD´s ...
Yomentiendo.
thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 6/7/2006 - 20:06
Si, es cierto. Por eso así lo voy publicando lentamente, para que mi madre no tenga que recorrerse las editoriales cuando me suicide.
nei el 9/7/2006 - 17:01
¿Dije cajón?
Quería decir armario :D
alucinando el 27/8/2006 - 14:42
el mundo esta lleno de depravados q asco
Princesa_De_Las_Aguas el 28/8/2006 - 15:24
si le haces eso a las muñecas en pleno parke espero q jamas tengas hijos
nei el 28/8/2006 - 18:13
Thessoro, me encanta el nuevo personaje que has introducido, arquetipo de la Jenny con capacidad comprensiva de lombriz y nick así como divino.
Ten ",,,,,,,,...." entrégaselos de mi parte. No importa que los coloque al azar, pero que los ponga, por diosss.
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