Cuidado con lo que escribes

Me siento muy orgulloso de mi nuevo poder. Hacía mucho tiempo que no me salía uno tan chulo. Lo difícil realmente no es encontrarlo, sino darte cuenta de lo que es y aprovecharlo en tu propio beneficio.
En esta ocasión le había dejado yo a mi mujer una nota en la nevera, un post-it de color rosa, pegado en la puerta, y por si fuera poco, un imán en forma de tomate para que no se cayera. Escribí en él con mi rotulador negro de Staedtler: "Recuerda comprar leche".

Al día siguiente, al volver del trabajo me encuentro la puerta de casa abierta. La empujo, pero algo obstaculiza su apertura, empujo con fuerza y logro desplazar el objeto: son varias cajas con briks de leche, apiladas unas encima de otras. Pero no sólo. En la cocina encuentro más cajas, briks abiertos encima de la mesa, briks en la terraza, en el baño, las plantas han sido regadas con leche, tiro de la cisterna del báter y sale leche, el pez ha muerto ahogado en leche en su pecera. De los grifos solo sale leche, pincho la cama de agua y sale leche, las marcas de agua de mis folios GVARRO son ahora marcas de leche.
Hoy mi mujer está en un psiquiátrico, agita su cabeza hacia delante y hacia atrás y repite constantemente: "Tengo que comprar leche, tengo que comprar leche". Pero me da igual, tengo mi nuevo poder: Cualquier cosa que escriba en los post-its rosas se cumple. Pero no de cualquier forma. He de escribir en el post-it con mi rotulador Staedtler, no vale cualquier otro, lo he probado. Por si fuera poco tengo que pegarlo en la puerta de la nevera y ponerle encima el imán-tomate. No vale el imán-plátano ni el imán-col de bruselas.

El otro día escribí: "Recibir a Elsa Pataky mañana en mi salón".
Elsa Pataky se presenta, con un guión en la mano: "¿Es aquí el casting?" Yo le digo que sí, y que se desnude. Ella abre la boca de chupapollas que tiene y me da un bofetón.
He de ser más cuidadoso con mi poder, y usarlo con más precisión.
Escribo en el post-it: "Recibir a Elsa Pataky mañana en mi salón para follar". Subrayo doblemente el «para follar» para que mi poder no se confunda.
Mientras Elsa Pataky descansa en mi cama de leche, medio deshinchada, me voy a la cocina y escribo en un postit:
"Recoger correo: Verificar ingreso de 10 millones de euros a mi cuenta".
Abro el buzón y me encuentro el resguardo del banco, también hay una carta de Central Lechera Asturiana, agradeciéndome la confianza y poniéndose a mi servicio. Me dicen no se qué de unos nuevos quesos que han salido, pero no estoy interesado.
Me estoy hartando de Elsa, la despierto y la echo de mi habitación, su ropa está empapada en leche, le digo «pírate ya Lewinsky" y ella se va, le doy una patada en el culo, me río.
Escribo en el post-it: "Pesarme, comprobar la efectividad de la dieta". Me peso y no he bajado un gramo, compruebo que la efectividad de la dieta es nula.
Reescribo: "Pesarme, comprobar que he adelgazado 15 kilos"
Ahora sí. Mi rotulador Staedtler se está gastando. Ya he pedido todo lo que un hombre desea:
Coches, chalets, un pene más grande, pelo en la cabeza que no parezca de gato, sexo continuado... y he entrado en el terreno del "pedir por pedir". Es lo que pasa cuando uno tiene unos post-its mágicos.
Ayer pedí la extinción de los mosquitos, los odio, dos horas más de luz al día, poder eyacular a más distancia, que mi vecina se quede muda.

Los post-its se acumulan en el suelo. Escribo: "Comprobar que el suelo se ha limpiado de post-its", "comprobar que me acabo de lavar los dientes". Ya no hago nada por mí mismo, sólo escribo.
Escribo: "Disfrutar viendo la tele" y me siento bien automáticamente, incluso noto agujetas en el estómago de reirme.
Ni siquiera me molesto en follar. Escribo: "Tener un orgasmo".
Escribo: "Limpiar el suelo".
Escribo: "Comprar nuevo rotulador Staedtler".
Escribo: "Comprar más post-its rosas mágicos".

Comentarios:

swyx el 28/7/2006 - 22:08

Oh-la. Qué bueno. Plas plas plas.

Eso sí: me tienes que pasar ese rotulador y, al menos, un post-it.

gOndO el 1/8/2006 - 08:27

jajaja, k weno, me ha tenido en vilo asta el final.

que imaginacion ...

rucito (rucito at mac dot com) el 4/8/2006 - 06:22

Oye, ya que estás, pide algo para mí. No sé, pasta, sexo, un pene más largo,... Algo que me anime y me ayude a pasar estos momentos de soledad. ¿Porqué no me pides unos post-it mágicos y un rotu de esos? Ah, y de paso, que se extingan los putos judíos y el puto Bush, que me tienen más que harto.

bleed (xbleed at gmail dot com) el 6/8/2006 - 18:09

Thess, yo no soy desconsiderado como esta gente ¬¬.

Si puedes pedirle una fecha aproximada de cuando saldrá PHPGTK2 y el señor Wall Disney.

rucito (rucito at mac dot com) el 9/8/2006 - 09:05

¿Puedo también pedir un trabajo nuevo? ¿Y seguir siendo el número dos de los comentarios pa siempre? ¿Y una novia japonesa? ¿Y un tren eléctrico? ¿Y ?...

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 9/8/2006 - 11:44

el nº2 de los comentarios... xDDD
eso se puede arreglar facilmente, por 20 euros hasta te pongo el primero y tó. El resto de cosas también, todo lo que pidas, excepto quizá... el tren electrico, eso no. No sé por qué, la magia es caprichosa.

nei el 9/8/2006 - 17:55

Buaf, a mí no me hace falta nada de eso para hacer magia. Soy bruja (No sé a qué vienen esas miradas escépticas. Me viene dado de nacimiento. Soy mujer).

Pero ya que estás regalando magia, yo deseo...

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 9/8/2006 - 18:15

Sí, haces magia cada 28 días. :P

nei el 9/8/2006 - 21:34

Ese comentario es muy temerario. Sobre todo, teniendo en cuenta, que se acerca el día 28.


:p

CartDestr (cartdestr at gmail dot com) el 12/8/2006 - 05:51

Jejeje, que bueno :P
¿Te acordaste de poner 'rotulador Staedtler Mágico'? Lo digo para que no sea que se te escape el poder y te arrepientas por siempre :P
A todo esto... Creo que a tod@s l@s que comenten en este POST les podías enviar un regalillo; no sé, un 'hacer que CartDestr comprueba ingreso de 70 millones de euros en su cuenta'... Tonterías; ya sabes :P
Saludos ;)

Kaner el 24/8/2006 - 13:10

Lo mejor es lo de eyacular a más larga distancia, jajajaja

Thessi yo quiero un rotu de esos y un post-it rosa pa pedir deseos, donde puedo pedirlo? xD

BiancaGavilana (gavilanaxsiempre at hotmail dot com) el 30/8/2006 - 15:07

Yo tambien quiero deso, de paso pideme a mi tambien 10 millones de euros, que me lleguen pa mañana forafavor :)
Gracias.

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 30/8/2006 - 17:05

thessoro escribe en un postit rosa: No volver a tener deseos ajenos.

oso96_2000 (oso96 dot 2000 at gmail dot com) el 14/10/2006 - 23:50

Jajajaja.. buenisimo xD

Catclock (catclock at hotmail dot com) el 16/4/2007 - 19:13

JAJAJA, SI ME HAS HECHO CAGARME DE LA RISA CON ESTAS COSAS, NO SE QUE HARAS DE TU VIDA PERO QUE LINDO TENER TIEMPO PARA ESCRIBIR ASI COMO YO, UN TIEMPILLO PARA LEER.

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