El nombre de las cosas

Un buen nombre es importante. Tanto que lo más frecuente es cagarla al escogerlo. Nombres de marcas demasiado complicadas, títulos de libros, canciones y películas desafortunados. Intentan llamar la atención, pero sólo consiguen llamar la atención sobre su mediocridad.

Empezando por las marcas encontramos graves carencias en cuanto a pronunciabilidad.
¿Quién compra colonias? La mayoría de las colonias en este país las compran marujas con un nulo sentido del olfato, no exquisitas damas de alta alcurnia buscando fragancias únicas.
Las marujas analfabetas apenas saben hablar castellano y se pierden a la hora de comprar una colonia con un nombre pomposo en francés. Admitámoslo. Es común factor en el ser humano evitar hacer el ridículo siempre que sea posible. Una maruja comprará antes una colonia como "Channel Nº5" por el mero hecho de saber pronunciarlo, en vez de quedar como la paleta que es pronunciando "L'Heure Bleue EDT de Guerlain", aunque suponga un aumento en el precio.
Lo mismo sucede con muchas otras marcas. ¿Cómo coño se pronuncia Schweppes?
«Dame un sués limón... un chuepes limón.... ¿Me das un KAS de limón?»
El ser humano no puede escapar de la dinámica natural de la ley del mínimo esfuerzo. Un consumidor pedirá antes KAS que Schweppes por el simple hecho de que pronunciarlo es corto y sencillo.

Otras marcas impronunciables podrían ser Schwarzkopf, aunque ha tenido la habilidad de no llamar a sus productos con nombres igual de crípticos (Fa, Gliss, Denivit...).
Otras han domado a la audiencia acerca de su correcta pronunciación, y no nos resulta tan complicado decir nombres en apariencia difíciles como "Deutsche Bank", "Häagen Dazs", "National Netherlanden"

En las películas nos encontramos con casos de absurdas reglas en cuanto a su nomenclatura. Por ejemplo, se huye de denominar a la segunda parte de una película con su mismo título, agregándole el número 2. Es decir: La segunda parte de "La Momia" no es "La Momia 2" sino "El Regreso de la Momia". Esto es normal que suceda con películas formando trilogías preconcebidas, como en el caso de "El Señor de los Anillos". Pero no es tan claro en bodrios como "Mira Quien Habla" y "Mira Quien Habla Ahora". Las productoras en ocasiones carecen de la honestidad de llamar a las segundas partes segundas partes, como encontramos en "X-MEN 2", "Saw 2", "Spiderman 2", etc.
Un caso particularmente irritante se produce en los bodrios literarios y cinematográficos españoles. La moda es llamar a una película con dos sustantivos o adjetivos absurdos o incoherentes.
"El Alquimista Impaciente", "Melocotones Helados", "Tacones Lejanos", "El Bosque Animado"
Simplemente se busca el efecto: ¿Un Alquimista... Impaciente? Luego vemos la película y no tiene nada que ver ni con alquimistas ni con impaciencia, pero el efecto cutre ya lo han logrado. A veces introducen una frase en mitad de la película para justificar el título. Por ejemplo: En la novela "Melocotones Helados" los abuelos de los protagonistas comieron una vez melocotones helados... O sea, que la novela podría haberse llamado de cualquier modo y lo hubiésemos metido con calzador en la frase con más o menos oportunidad.
Tú mismo en tu casa puedes inventarte un nombre chocante para una novela... Por ejemplo: Tortugas Envidiosas, La Botella Pedante, Héroes Impermeables, El Botijo Dubitativo... Lo que sea.

También está la combinación sustantivo + adjetivo impactante: Como "Trampa Mortal", "Arma Letal", "Destino Final" que da una buena idea acerca de la calidad de la película. De este modo podemos componer nuestros propios títulos para películas de acción.
"Cabra Letal": Sobre una cabra loca que ataca a los humanos empapándolos con leche de cabra.
"Reunión Final": Película sobre una empresa que entra en quiebra. En la última reunión de su junta directiva, estos terminan por arrojarse tartas los unos a los otros.
"Mechero Mortal": Thriller sobre un mechero que proyecta tanta llama que quema la cara de cualquiera que lo use. El mechero circula de uno a otro propietario, como una maldición.

Otra moda que comenzó hace ya un tiempo fue la de los nombres de empresas y productos terminados con el sufijo «alia».
Hostalia, Webalia y Saludalia en internet, Aqualia, Aceralia, Realia, Localia TV, o productos como el nuevo "Bocadelia" de La Piara.
La fiebre de los «alia» es un recurso fácil y pomposo para dar idea de grupo. No importa de lo que sea tu empresa. ¿Tienes una pequeña fábrica de corchos? Llámala Corchalia. Del mismo modo podrían surgir fascinantes nombres corporativos como Lamparalia, Sofalia, Mermeladalia, Telefonalia...

Seguro que entre estas propuestas logras encontrar tu propio nombre insulso, ridículo y sin originalidad. Es lo que tu empresa merece.

Comentarios:

swyx el 3/10/2006 - 11:53

Oye, en "Mechero mortal" damos por hecho que el encendedor huele a pescado, ¿verdad?

swyx el 3/10/2006 - 11:53

Ah! el meme te lo hago mañana ;)

rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 4/10/2006 - 00:40

Schweppes? Schweppes? Pero no era una T?NICA? Para mí, los mejores nombres son aquellos que asocias con algo conocido: Mitsubishi PAJERO, Nissan MOCO,...

rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 4/10/2006 - 00:41

Por cierto, SWYX. Lo del olora pescado ya se da por descontado.

azo el 19/10/2006 - 10:03

Quizás quiso decir: national nederlanden


Huy, perdona, se me ha colado el Google, que poco a poco va a monopolizar todo el internés.

Lo de sustantivo más adjetivo impactante lo extendió antena3, y no esas películas comerciales que siempre se apuntan el tanto.

Y anda que no tiene mérito, de un título original "Stormy evening" por ejemplo, pasar a "Vacaciones mortales".

Comentar también la puta moda de dejar los eslóganes en inglés, porque queda más fashion aunque ni dios los entienda.

"Jump in", "Today, tomorrow", "The power of dreams"... hasta los cojones me tienen, que llamen a los que doblan los títulos de antena3.

Y basta ya del miedo al que diran, ¿por qué el Pajero cambió su nombre en España por Montero?

Anda que no habría alguno todo orgulloso con sus chapitas de Pajero (hay mucha gente que cambia las de Montero para que todo el mundo sepa de sus aficiones).

Yo cruzo los dedos para que algún día dejen de cambiar el nombre en España del Mazda Laputa, y todas las Jennys vean tomorrow el power of dreams.

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 19/10/2006 - 14:43

«Otras han domado a la audiencia acerca de su correcta pronunciación... "National Netherlanden"»
Lo dicho... pronunciación si, pero escritura ya veo que no. xD

Sentenced el 23/10/2006 - 15:44

Si es cierto que siempre he pedido KAS antes que schweppes, pueda que esa sea la razón... ¿si nunca supe escribirlo, porque iba a saber pronunciarlo?

Sobre las peliculas de nombre + adjetivo, si, hay millones:
Desafio Total
Caza Legal
Linea Mortal
Atracción Fatal
Velocidad Terminal
Posesión Infernal
Calma Total
Jara y Sedal... ¿?

Luego tambien recuerdo a un grupo de death metal llamado "Impacto Fecal", pero creo que nucna tuvieron demasiada trascendencia.

leo el 8/11/2006 - 10:28

Eres directo con el sector perfume=maruja=cateta... no no no...mucha verborrea en tu texto y poco análisis

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 8/11/2006 - 21:54

Si quieres un análisis ve al medico, no te jode.

Alexander (grado33_aj at hotmail dot com) el 1/4/2008 - 04:36

Consulta: Saludos. Tengo una orquesta de bailes privados (de musica latina) ahorita se llama Grado 33 (osea, Secreto). Quiero cambiar el nombre, a un nombre mas rigido, mas pegajoso. que exprese alegria. Por ejemplo Aqui en venezuela hay un grupo de tecno vallenato que se llama Bacano (por sierto nada innovador) y ese nombre lo tiene todo. Cual podria ser el nombre de mi orquesta. Gracias...

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