Diálogos frente al televisor

LS: lector de Sacapuntas

thessoro: Sólo hay dos cosas que proporcionen horas y horas de diversión gratuita: la televisión y el sexo.
LS: Sustituiré, en mi caso, la palabra sexo por masturbación.

thessoro: Sin embargo hay tantas cosas sobre el sexo que no llego a comprender del todo... ¡NO! ¡Espera! hoy no tocaba sexo sino televisión...

LS: No jodas

thessoro: Sin embargo hay tantas cosas sobre la televisión que no llego a comprender del todo que podría llenar posts y posts al respecto.

LS: ¿Y por qué no lo haces?

thessoro: Por vagancia, y por falta de tiempo (televisión+sexo)
Pero no es de eso de lo que quiero hablar, no tengo que dar explicaciones sobre la falta de regularidad de las publicaciones.
Así que deje de interrumpirme, te inventé con el único objetivo de ser un pelele estilo "Diálogos de Platón" o "Mundo de Sofía"; completamente imbécil que haga exactamente las preguntas que nadie haría pero que el orador quiere que le hagan.

LS: Me parece que el invento se te está volviendo en tu contra.

thessoro: Cíñase al guión.

LS: ¿Y qué son esas cosas que usted no entiende thessoro?

thessoro: Por ejemplo la mala imagen que tiene la televisión de sí misma.

LS: Explíquese mejor, con un ejemplo quizá, el del verano y el ático.

thessoro: Bien, no tenía pensado hablar de eso, pero ya que me lo pones tan a huevo...

LS: Ya saben que soy un pelele sin sentido que te da pie, no hace falta que parezcas sorprendido.

thessoro: Me refiero a las promos que varían entre las temporadas, que sirven de relleno en las desconexiones regionales para publicidad o para dar paso a otro bloque de anuncios. Se suelen intercalar imágenes para empatizar con el público, mostrando diversión o bienestar, aunque si nos paramos a analizarlas resultan bastante absurdas.

LS: Apenas puedo esperar a que continúe su razonamiento, siga por favor.

thessoro: Siempre son imágenes que son incompatibles con la propia televisión. Por ejemplo, en verano TVE ponían el logo de la cadena dando vueltas y de fondo un niño pasándoselo pipa en la playa jugando con un balón.
En otras aparecía una pareja de ancianos mirando una puesta de sol. En Telecinco muy recientemente aparecen promos del estilo; muestran a gente brindando en una fiesta en un ático y el slogan "diversión".
Se supone que si alguien se está pillando una mamada en un ático con unos colegas, es que no estás viendo Telecinco. O si estás jugando en la playa tampoco tienes un televisor al lado, y si estás viendo una puesta de sol es que no estás viendo "En Antena".
Es casi como si te dijeran: "mira esta gente que bien se lo pasa y tú aquí desperdiciando tu vida viéndome"

LS: Muy cierto

thessoro: Luego está la moda de poner lo que van a durar los anuncios. Empezaban con "Volvemos en 20 segundos" o un minuto. Últimamente se los ve del estilo "Volvemos en 5 minutos". Lo que no parecen darse cuenta es que la efectividad de ese truco se invierte cuando el período es prolongado. O sea, 20 segundos es un anuncio, pues te lo tragas; anuncio más caro, más ingresos, y luego un bloque de 15 minutos tradicional del que no se informe la duración.
Pero si empiezan con los de 5 minutos ya no tiene sentido, sé cuándo van a volver y podría decidir no quedarme, así que me levanto y en 5 minutos puedo hacer muchas cosas: ir a beber agua, mear, revisar el messenger.

LS: Sé a dónde quieres llegar. Incluso podría hacerme una pajilla.

thessoro: Y todas se copian entre ellas de forma descarada, incluso para el espectador más idiota. Ahora todas emiten, sobre las dos de la mañana un programa en directo chorras en plan concurso.
Todos tienen elementos comunes:
Uno o dos presentadores puestos de coca repitiendo las mismas sandeces continuamente para hacer tiempo mientras la gente tira su dinero en llamadas y SMS.
Un acertijo de dificultad baja (lo del número de triángulos en Telecinco tiene su aquél, pero pierde toda gracia con las pistas de la presentadora).
Concursantes analfabetos que entran en directo y la cagan en sus respuestas.

LS: Yo llamo a diario y nunca me lo cogen.

thessoro: O la moda del polígrafo, ya me contaréis, que se extiende como un virus. ¿Os gusta el polígrafo? Pues toma polígrafo, hasta en la sopa. "¿Esta sopa es de caldo de pollo casero? Piénselo antes de responder, esta máquina tiene el 100% de fiabilidad... BEEEP!"

LS: No se te escapa ni una thessoro. Voy a ponerme a escribir comentarios de este artículo como un loco ahora mismo.

thessoro: Luego está la costumbre (desde hace años) de buitreo ante estrenos de cine. Esta práctica la ha perfeccionado como siempre la televisión más carroñera de todas -Antena 3- que ante la falta de audiencia se aprovecha de los desperdicios que deja el halo de una superproducción comercial.
¿Estrenan Spiderman? Pues te ponen una versión de Spiderman de 1978, con telarañas de verdad entre el celuloide. Cuando estrenaron Titanic también, te ponen una versión más antigua que el barco. ¿Nueva de Batman? Pues sacamos la del 66, estilo cómic, con sus páginas más amarillas que los programas de Teresa Viejo...

LS: Teresa Viejo otra vez no por favor...

Comentarios:

jr el 14/12/2006 - 14:11

en cuanto a lo de poner la peli antigua que se corresponde con un estreno actual antena 3 se llevo la palma del morbo cuando puso una peli de un submarino sovietico en el que se quedaban sin oxigeno coincidiendo con el submarino sovietico kurst donde estaba pasando lo mismo en ese momento.

swyx el 14/12/2006 - 14:25

Me siento identificado con ls al casi 100%. Lo malo es que también me siento identificado contigo, thessoro. dios, habré escrito este post y no me acuerdo?

Para cuando un post acerca de los programas de corazón como salsa verde, donde estás corazón, aquí hay tomate y demás telemierda? Ansíolo.

y sí, antena 3 da grima. O más

Rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 15/12/2006 - 16:21

Sinceramente, yo hace unos meses que tomé la determinación, por no morirme del asco (prefiero esperar a que me llegue la jubilación para cobrar una pensión), de no ver la tele. Se lo aconsejo. Hace 4 meses que no enciendo el cacharro ese y me siento realmente más... no sé cómo explicarlo. Lo cierto es que ahora tengo más tiempo para leer, ver películas y descargarme porno de internet. Un lujo, vamos.

CartDestr (cartdestr at gmail dot com) el 16/12/2006 - 08:32

Efectivamente, yo llevo bastante tiempo viendo la tele menos de 20 minutos al día; a veces ni eso. Las series las veo por internet (en V.O. y al ritmo de EEUU), y tal.
La vida es mucho más feliz sin tele :P

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 17/12/2006 - 13:30

Lo de las series está bien pero también es esclavo xD. Ahora mismo sigo Prison Break, Lost y Heroes (tengo descanso de las 3 ahora en Navidades) y puntualmente los martes y jueves a descargar los capítulos en cuanto estén.
Pero conozco gente que sigue esas y también la nueva temporada de mujeres desesperadas + Veronica Mars + ....
prácticamente tiene un calendario semanal con las descargas.

ChiKa K el 17/12/2006 - 20:37

Muy bonito sakapuntas navideño, la verdad...

Y en kuanto al artíkulo (hace lustros k no veo la tele, es decir, la veo xk está ahí y no voy a cerrar los ojos kada vez k pase delante de ella, me refiero a k no me molesto en encenderla) :
Menos tele y más vida sana!! Habéis oído hablar alguna vez del deporte???....por cierto, hoy ganamos!!...
ALé Avilés Sur ALé ALéééééééé!!

jr el 18/12/2006 - 07:11

veo ke la chika k utiliza sacapuntas para promocionar su ekipo de basket.y no kreo ke a thessoro le interese mucho el deporte como lleva demostrando durante tantos años.como mucho le interesa el levantamiento de vidrio sobre barra fija.por cierto,enhorabuena aviles sur!

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 18/12/2006 - 13:34

El levantamiento de vidrio sobre barra fija, y esporádicamente el billar. Ningún deporte es completo hasta que se puede practicar con un cigarro y un copazo.
Por cierto, desde cuando esta aviles dividido en norte y sur? xD

ChiKa K el 20/12/2006 - 16:18

Desde k el kaos se apoderó de la ciudad kuando el kruce de mofeta y marianiko el korto nos abandonó .
AM?N.

Y tu de kien eres?

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