Un Gilbertito como Björk manda

Estas son algunas de mis cualidades principales. No quiero presumir, pero bueno, tampoco voy a esconder el hecho de que soy un ejemplar como Björk manda.
    Mido unos 34 herzios (25 centímetros en vuestro sistema métrico), tengo 8 maravillosos tentáculos con fuertes ventosas; mi fuerza de agarre es de unos 13.4N en superficies lisas y 18.3*U en superficies rugosas.
    Mis deposiciones son mucho más sólidas que el promedio de mi especie, es algo que en sociedad siempre queda bien. Hay cosas que en definitiva, te hacen parecer más respetable.
    Mi depósito de tinta mantiene una temperatura constante de 312ºK ( por si hay alguna hembra leyendo el artículo, conténgase ). Me gusta ser generoso con ella, asi que no dudo en ofrecérsela a cualquiera.

    Mi raza no es especialmente religiosa, pero solemos practicar una meditación profunda para ponernos en contacto con nuestro Noveno Tentáculo.
El Noveno Tentáculo es el símbolo de lo que nos falta, y de la completitud a la que aspiramos.
Para rezar hacemos ventosa sobre una superficie, repartiendo nuestras patas alrededor, equidistantes; y expiramos, formando una burbuja de fluidos... la hinchamos e hinchamos sin que se rompa.
Mis burbujas de mucosidad son enormes, cuanto mayor sean mayor es tu grado de concentración y mayor es tu cercanía al Noveno Tentáculo.

    Thessoro no quiere que rece, dice que "le da asco", y que lo haga en el baño. Pero me parece un lugar poco apropiado. No puede uno rezar en el mismo sitio en el que se enorgullece socialmente de sus deposiciones. Hay que separar la oración del ocio.

    Recuerdo ahora el día que llegué a vuestro planeta:
Caí en un bonito receptáculo verde, acolchado y lleno de olores extrañamente familiares. Fue un estupendo recibimiento por vuestra parte.
Thessoro parecía un poco asustado cuando me vio, e hizo una mueca mientras me agarraba por un tentáculo con dos dedos. Sin duda estaba impresionado por ver un tanhausereano de tan alta categoría.

    Como estaba un poco mareado por el viaje, thessoro me protegió y me metió en un habitáculo impermeable plastificado.

    Hoy tampoco quiere sacarme de casa, dice que le da verguenza ir conmigo, y que nadie se le acerca. Pero eso es ridículo claro, la realidad es que este chico tiene un problema con sus deposiciones, y la gente se da cuenta.
Come demasiados frutos carnosos y poco cartílago, que, a pesar de mis recomendaciones, se ha negado a probar. Él se lo pierde.
    Aún sigo esperando por mi sección propia. Merezco un rincón mucho mejor que éste.
Sospecho que no le ha gustado que haya titulado mi primer post como "Bienvenidos a la web de Gilbertito". ¿En parte es mía no?

Comentarios:

Anónimo el 21/6/2005 - 21:54

¿Para rezar expiráis? Vivís sin vivir en vosotros y esperáis "de tal manera" que morís porque no morís (oh moríííís, pechos goma dos y nitroglicerina).

Está curiosa esta gilipollez.

Muchos altibajos (más bajos que altos, pero curiosos altibajos.

Saludos pulpo (creo que en realidad eres el tío pesao ese que buscó su minuto de gloria en el minuto que duró el programa de Máximo Pradera).

Yosolito el 22/6/2005 - 00:27

Gilbertito : empiezo a sospechar que puedes ser Fran Perea camuflado...

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