La Torre Agbar

Quizá no os habéis enterado, solamente lo han repetido doce veces en cada canal de televisión durante el día de ayer. Han estrenado un puto nuevo edificio en Barcelona, la Torre Agbar. Que diréis, a mi qué leches me importa, se estrenan edificios a diario ¡ponédmelos cuando se derrumban!

A la inauguración de la Torre, acudió el Rey, acompañado de la Reina... como veis sólo faltaron los alfiles...

No voy a entrar a hacer un debate pedante sobre lo adecuado de la forma y gama cromática del edificio, porque aparte de un aburrimiento ni lo van a derribar porque yo critique, ni le van a poner una medallita porque lo alabe. Por cada subnormal que defiende a capa y espada que es una maravilla y una obra de arte hay otro subnormal idéntico que le va la vida en decir que es una aberración.
A mí todos estos detalles me la traen al pairo, no es lo que me ha interesado de este edificio, ni lo que vengo a comentaros aquí. Lo que me ha llamado la antención no es el edificio Agbar, sino que su nombre se debe a la compañía de Aguas de Barcelona, que lo construyó para instalar sus nuevas oficinas...
Ahora bien:
¿Para qué coño necesita una compañía de aguas un rascacielos de 38 pisos? ¿Acaso distribuyen agua de Lourdes?
¿Acaso extraen ellos mismos el agua perforando con una faraónica barrena situada en el centro mismo del edificio? ¿Acaso, en un arranque de nostalgia, sus paredes esconden una monumental polea que, accionada, iza un cubo metálico de idénticas proporciones desde un pozo situado en el subsuelo?
¿Acaso sintetizan su propia agua uniendo molécula a molécula dos átomos de Hidrógeno por uno de Oxígeno valiéndose de un potente acelerador de partículas toroidal ajustado a la forma tubular del rascacielos?
Es una cuestión que me turba...
Y es que su forma es intrigante. Los barceloneses que hasta el día de ayer no tenían ni puta idea de cómo se llamaba el edificio le han ido poniendo esos divertidos motes que sólo el humor llano del pueblo puede crear: Torpedo, lámpara... aunque casi todos se decantan por el fácil recurso del pene para inventar nombres. Sinceramente, yo no le veo la forma fálica (no sé qué concepto de pene tendrán los barceloneses)
Y es que al parecer para la gente (para regocijo de Freud) cualquier cosa que sea más alta que ancha ya es un estupendo falo.
Siguiendo en esta línea, y aprovechando el clamor popular que reclama falos a diestro y siniestro y a la compañía de aguas que lo ocupa, queremos proponer desde aquí un nuevo logotipo corporativo, o al menos una mascota para el nuevo edificio:
se trata de la 'polla de agua'. (No me miréis raro, existe)

Comentarios:

swyx el 18/9/2005 - 10:13

Mírate eso de que no le ves forma fálica porque la tiene. Además con su glandecito y todo xD

La primera vez que oí la noticia me fui directamente al islam. La frase "Alah oh Agbar" es la que me hizo pensar que el nombre "Agbar" se lo pusieron por su grandeza y tal. Si es por otra cosa, ya no lo sé.

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 18/9/2005 - 19:56

Sip, suena a algo árabe... quizá es para que no estrellen ningún avión contra ella.

rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 08:37

Pos a mí el nombre, por más que quiera, no puedo dejar de asociarlo al Almirante Ackbar, que no era otro que aquel ser con boca vaginal que pilotaba el Halcón Milenario junto a Lando Calrissian en "El Retorno del Jedi".
Esto, a parte de denotar mi frikismo hacia esta saga interestelar, viene a colación de la forma fálica del edificio. Porque si dicho almirante posee boca de vagina y el edificio tiene forma de pene, la asociación está servida, ¿no?.

rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 08:40

Corrección. El susodicho almirante no era quien yo pensaba, sino aquel que tenía cara de pez y explicaba los planes de destrucción de la Estrella de la Muerte. El piloto mal traído a colación era llamado Nien Numb. http://www.halloween-mask.com/morris/nien_numb_morris.jpg
Maldito alzheimer.

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 17:18

bocas vaginales... parece un 2x1 como en el Carrefour!!

nei (Ofus at odiotusistemaDeComentariosQueEsLa3raVezQueTengoQueEscribirEsto dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 18:18

También es esto http://blogs.ya.com/agbar/

Pero intuyo que era un trabajador de agbar incendios, S.A. (empresa del grupo. Para eso necesitaban un edificio tan grande. Para meterle fuego y enviar a estos a apagarlo) descubierto justo después de publicarlo y despedido ipsofacto.

Por cierto, el blog define perfectamente lo que siento ante tamaña (palabra ridícula) obra de ¿arquitectura?.
Lo mismo es el blog del ingeniero explicando lo que quería expresar :D

Respecto a la forma fálica, creo recordar que sí, que era algo parecido.

Sí, lo que más consternada me ha dejado, ha sido la divergencia de opiniones respecto a la forma fálica.
A ver, un falo es un falo y se supone que tienen aproximadamente todos la misma forma ... voy a informarme que me estais rallando.

Ah, en principio a mí también me recordó el nombre a aquello de "Alá es grande" y ahora me asalta la duda de si Alá no era más que el nombre impuesto a su ... bueno eso, por un graciosillo.

Bonito nacimiento de una religión.
Al menos es de los más coherentes que he leído y no porque me lo haya inventado yo ... que sí, que me voy ya a por la medicación.

gReStLe (grestle at gmail dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 19:54

El nombre se compone de:
Agua + Barcelona = AgBar xD

swyx el 19/9/2005 - 21:47

También podría ser una composición de:

Agitar + Barrejar : AgBar
Agetreo + Barato: AgBar
Agilidad + Barra: AgBar

Hay tantas combinaciones....

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 19/9/2005 - 23:31

Don señor neitor... ya no es necesario escribir ni mail ni url para comentar, y si te refieres a que has tenido que escribir varias veces el comentario pues no se... eso en principio con una vez que se le de a Enviar pues ya basta, hay que esperar un poco a que recargue y tal.
Quiza la falta de medicacion afecten a su irritabilidad y las esperas se le hagan eternas...

agbar ... si es que encima cuesta pronunciarlo. Yo hubiera optado por: barcagua, Agubar, o k coño... ninguna combinación ¿Acaso Mapfre significa algo? "Mapas frecuentes" o no se... ¿Que sería pues ... SEAT: "Semos Ateos"? Semana Atareada? ...

nei (vaya at yamehabiacostumbrado dot com) el 20/9/2005 - 00:13

Yastamos...

Dª Sra. thessoro ... no estoy irritadA.

Al final lo del mail tiene su gracia (aunque solo se la vea yo ... porras, ya he vuelto a darle donde no era y se me ha desconfigurado el teclado ... ahora como cierro el pu;etero par'entesis ...) ah mira, que se ha mudado al igual.

Maldicion, no puedo ser ironica, sin una puntuacion adecuada del texto...

Voy por la pastillita roja.

Anonimus el 20/9/2005 - 10:10

No sé, ¿Mutua de la agrupación de propietarios de fincas rústicas españolas?.
¿Sociedad española de Automóviles de Turismo?

?sas se me han ocurrido a boteprón, pero si elucubro un rato más (cuidado que salpico) podría obtener alguna más convincente.

A mí la torre me gusta. Y los colorines le dan el mencionado toque fálico (je, 'toque fálico', buen título para un telefilm papel Albal, o Agbar).

Saludetes esquirol tecnócrata (me lo ha dicho la francesa).

rucito (rucito at hotmail dot com) el 20/9/2005 - 11:30

Anonimus se me ha adelantado.
No sé. No sé. A mí la torre me gusta, pero me gusta más pensar en bocas vaginales. El momento onanismo no me termina de convencer.

swyx el 20/9/2005 - 18:08

SEAT, en realidad es el acrónimo de Siempre Están Apretando Tornillos

thessoro (Soy at eo dot ado) el 20/9/2005 - 18:31

hombre si quereis jugar con los mails, no es mala idea. Por ejemplo éste.
Lo del esquirol tecnócrata me ha gustado, y lo de las bocas vaginales me hacen pensar en una muñeca hinchable no sé por qué.
Los puñeteros acrónimos estarían bien si no hubiese un acrónimo para todo...

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 20/9/2005 - 18:33

me parece que voy a fundar una nueva asociación:
SECA: Sociedad Española Contra los Acrónimos
P.D: perdon por el cambio de sexo... Hay gente que paga y todo, yo lo he hecho gratis.

queequog (siemprepresumo at demi dot acion) el 21/9/2005 - 09:43

Donde este Ricardo bofill y sus edificios que se quiten los demas, aunque lo haya abandonado el monumento paulina :-p

thessoro (thessoro at gmail dot com) el 21/9/2005 - 16:57

De hecho el edificio está construido a partir de un molde del pene de Ricardo Bofill (estilo el que se hizo Nacho Vidal)

Manuel de la Peña (manueldelapena2003 at yahoo dot es) el 5/3/2006 - 12:20

Creo que estos Grandes hombres de Negocios e Inversioninistas Judios, Construiran La Torre Más Alta de America Latina en el Ultimo Lugar del Mundo «Santiago de Chile»; Cumpliendose así La Profecia de que Los ?ltimos Serán Los Primeros, Viernes 04 de Marzo del 2006.
La Torre del Costanera Center en Santiago de Chile al igual que La Torre Agbar en la ciudad de Barcelona España, y La Torre Two International Centre en Hong Kong China, Todas ellas tienen una Forma Falica, y es una Torre Babilonica, Osea una Torre de Confusión. He aquí Lugares Altos Dedicados a Adorar Demonios y Terafines. Todos estos Lugares Altos, Rascacielos, Torres Babilonicas y Torres Falicas Alrededor del Mundo, han sido Construidos como Altares y Han Sido Dedicados por el Hombre para Adorar a Imagenes de Hombres y Mujeres Corruptibles, Imagenes de Aves, Imagenes de Animales de Cuatro Pies, Imagenes de Serpientes y Dragones Chinos, e Imagenes de Demonios.
Todos Estos Hombres son Adoradores de si mismo y si no me creen que La Torre Más Grande de Latinoamerica tiene forma Falica, y se asemeja a los Obeliscos Falicos Egipcios, Griegos, Romanos y Latinos. Como el Obelisco Falico que esta en la Ciudad de Buenos Aires, en las ciudades de los EEUU de Norteamerica, en la Ciudad de Roma y en el Coliseo Romano.
Todos estos Rascacielos y Megaconstrucciones de Torres Falicas y Babilonicas estan Hechas de Cemento, Silicio, Cuarzo, Vidrio y Cristal. Osea esta Torre Falica y Babilonica estará construida Sobre el Lecho Mayor del Rio Mapocho y Será Construida con Arena del Rio Mapocho; y El Evangelio del Señor JES?S ?L CHRISTOS, Escrito por Apostol Mateo Capitulo 7, Versiculo 26 y 27 nos dice Textual: 26 Y cualquiera que me oye estas palabras y no las hace, le compararé a un hombre insensato que edufico su casa sobre la arena; 27 Y desecdendio la lluvia, y vinieron rios, y soplaron vientos, é hicieron impetu en aquella casa; y cayó y fue grande su ruina.
He aquí Las Grandes Torres Falicas y Babilonicas, Siendos Financiadas y Construidas por Grandes Hombres de Negocio Judios, Toda esta Maga Inversión Judía Será Arruinada en el Siglo XXI, Por La Poderosa e Inefable Palabra del SE?OR JES?S ?L MES?AS ?L ?NICO DIOS TODOPODEROSO, ADONAI YESHUAH HA-MASHIACH, HALELU-YAH.

hidran180 (hidran180 at hotmail dot com) el 19/3/2006 - 16:52

pos yo un trabajador del mencionado grupo agbar(agbar incendios) OS PODRIA DECIR QUE ME PARECE UN MONUMENTAL BIBRADOR.
que para lo unico que nos ha servido es para que la peña tenga el chiste facil. incluidos los jefecillos.un ejemplo seria cuando pides un aumento te dicen jeje je je te dare un aumento el dia que te calzes el edificio agbar hasta los huebecillos .....huy bque daño mejor sigo con mi humilde sueldo . que queriais pitorreo pues lo teneis servido.
para mas inri las enpresas que se ubicaran segun tenemos entendido seran todas del grupo aguas....agbar. de las que vende y luego compra para quien sabe que maniobras creando incertidunbre entre los trabajadores.
bueno este es mi cachondeo de cada dia y que no falte espero no os tengais que pedir un aumento y os calceis tremendo falo hasta las pelotas je je je je je je

tatiana (tulistati at dot hmail dot com) el 17/10/2006 - 22:36

leer estos inventos es una perdedera de tiempo.para eso me voy para inventos frikis.(prefiero)

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CaseyHew (alexegger at mail4you dot stream ) el 24/4/2017 - 09:25

Billieexips (damianiclovis at gmail dot com) el 3/5/2017 - 15:34

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